The Art of Packing Your Groceries
One of the things I enjoy most about having my own blog is the fact I can write about the mundane and the trivial. Mainly because so much of life falls into this category. Life defining events are all fine and dandy and certainly lend themselves to philosophical musings that make fine blog posts. However, you can get just as much mileage out of those everyday things in life with less gravitas, that we all do. Such as buying new clothes, taking out the recycling and going to buy groceries. I have written about all of these in the past. However, today I wish to broach a subject that both fascinates me but also raises my blood pressure. I believe it to be a social marker and a clear indication of an individual’s personal psychology. Yes, I’m talking about packing your groceries at the supermarket and the various rituals and social etiquette associated with it.
One of the things I enjoy most about having my own blog is the fact I can write about the mundane and the trivial. Mainly because so much of life falls into this category. Life defining events are all fine and dandy and certainly lend themselves to philosophical musings that make fine blog posts. However, you can get just as much mileage out of those everyday things in life with less gravitas, that we all do. Such as buying new clothes, taking out the recycling and going to buy groceries. I have written about all of these in the past. However, today I wish to broach a subject that both fascinates me but also raises my blood pressure. I believe it to be a social marker and a clear indication of an individual’s personal psychology. Yes, I’m talking about packing your groceries at the supermarket and the various rituals and social etiquette associated with it.
Now before we begin, it has come to my attention that in some countries, such as the US, there is a culture of having a grocery clerk undertake this task for you. However, research indicates that this practice is declining due to the increased use of reusable bags and the desire for faster checkout lines. Self-checkouts are also a factor (something else I have strong views on but that, alas, is another blog post). So this disparity may not be such a major distinction, as it previously was. Moving on, let me set the scene for that which I wish to discuss. Imagine if you will, that you’ve gone to the grocery store/supermarket of your choice at a fairly busy time of day. You’ve finished your shopping and are now in the checkout queue. The customer in front is currently having their items scanned and there is now space on the conveyor belt for you to place your groceries.
Firstly, how do you organise your shopping on the conveyor belt? I favour a process of segregation according to size, weight and whether an item has come from a cooler/refrigerator/freezer. Cold items cause condensation to form so you don’t want them coming into contact with specific things such as a magazine or birthday cards. Next when packing begins the following protocols are followed. Weighty items are evenly spread between bags with lighter objects placed on top. An item’s category and where it goes once home also affects which bag it is packed in. We keep a stock of household cleaning products in our garden shed, along with a supply of toilet paper. Bags packed with such products can then be conveniently taken directly to their respective destinations. Finally, fragile items, such as eggs and crisps, are packed last of all and cushioned with bread etc. When required we will use bespoke bags for bottles or hot food.
Next, after this efficient undertaking is complete, there is the matter of paying the checkout operator/cashier. Fumbling, dithering and any other form of being unprepared is verboten and a cardinal sin that will invoke much tutting and “hard stares” from other customers waiting in the queue. Hence cash or cards must be provided post haste. There is usually a LED display facing the customer indicating the price as goods are scanned. Use this visual cue so you can be prepared. While you pack your bags, it is socially acceptable and indeed, civil, to make “small talk” with the checkout operator/cashier. However, once you have paid, do not linger relating anecdotes pertaining to your last enema or the birds on Mrs. Coltarts roof, as you will unnecessarily delay the next customer. This again will invoke tutting and further social admonishment.
The process I’ve described is best carried out by two people and is a skill that Mrs P and I are well versed in. We have experimented with aspects of this procedure over the years, segregating items according to atomic weight and taking into account the Beaufort scale as well as sun spot activity. We have found the current method the most efficient and self righteous. Of course, there are other methods for packing your bags. Many people prefer a more “free style” approach, wreaking havoc in their wake. Make note of such individuals and act accordingly, come the revolution. Mrs P thinks I take these matters too seriously and there are worse crimes to commit. Indeed there are, like that blasphemous act of eating an item in store, before you’ve paid for it and presenting the cashier with an empty wrapper and barcode. I believe there’s a new eighth circle of hell reserved for such barbarians.
